The Choice Set Before Me

“Every day I have a choice–to mourn what I have lost and what I have yet to lose, or to thank God for what I have and leave tomorrow in His hands. It sounds so cut and dry on paper. But in real life it’s the battle field I enter as I open my eyes to face the dawn. And it’s the struggle I wrestle with randomly through out the day.”

As I was unpacking and sorting yesterday I came across the journal I wrote while we were awaiting Joel’s sentencing. I couldn’t help but thumb through it and scan a few entries. This quote came from the beginning of February that year. It struck such a chord of familiarity with me, that I had to marvel at how far we’ve come and how much the battle field is still the same for me. I still face that same choice with every waking breath I take. Some days it is a choice I gladly and simply make finding comfort and strength in the arms of my faithful Savior. But occasionally, I feel like, “OK, I’ve made that choice for long enough. What about the loss? What about the unknowns? What about the uncertainty that seems to daunt us every step of our journey? When is it all going to make sense?” Those days the battle rages hot as I am challenged to live in truth and not allow the grief of my circumstances to govern my choice.

The choice set before me is a painful one, but in reality it is an easy one. No amount of wallowing, worrying, and stressing will bring relief. And no amount of trusting in my self will bring about peace. So in the end the choice is simple. As Peter put it, “Oh, Lord, to whom (else) shall we go. We have believed and we know that you are the Christ, the Son of God.”

2 Responses to "The Choice Set Before Me"

  • Did I ever send you and Joel a copy of “The Land Between:Finding God in Difficult Transitions” by Jeff Manion? if not I will, it’s so profoundly appropriate for you two and all of us as we go through and often struggle through difficult transitions in life. I love you girl and miss you so much. Hug yourself for me and breathe deep the love of God.
    PS I rejoiced yesterday, tears and smiles as I threw away the address labels I had in the bookstore to send paperback Bibles and books to Joel in Jesup. What a wonderful time of worship and gratitude to Him who deserves it all.

    1 Donna said this (September 14, 2012 at 10:01 am) Reply

  • Amen, sister! That is the choice. Simple, but oh so hard, at least when we try on our own! Thanks for that reminder.

    2 Joy said this (September 20, 2012 at 5:45 pm) Reply

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