Not OK

Is it OK to be not OK? The other day one of my closest friends in the world called to check on me. When she asked, “Are you OK?” My honest answer came in a rush, “No! Of course I’m not OK. But I’ll be OK. I know I’ll be OK.”  I had just received word from the probation’s officer in Wisconsin concerning Joel’s request of transfer. The news was good. The officer felt confident that a transfer to Wisconsin is in Joel’s best interest. This means Joel will get an 18 month reduction in his sentence: 6 months to be served in halfway house and a year at home. Great news! Next summer, less than a year from now, Joel will wave good by to  concrete walls and razor wire! But painful news too. The 18 months comes at a price. A move.  Away from family.  Away from the familiar. Away from the security of a job, a home, a familiar community. Three days later, my emotions are still reeling in all directions.

I vacillate between the excitement of Joel’s fast-approaching release, and the agony of all the good byes our family faces. I alter between grand expectations, and utter uncertainty. I smile and I sigh. I laugh and I cry. I know God is in this, and that fills me with warm expectation. But I know I am frail and life is hard, and it might get harder and that fills me with trepidation.

Am I OK? Not really. Is that OK?  Yes. Because I know I will be.

5 Responses to "Not OK"

  • Hi friend, first of all, a big hug to you. We love you when you are ok and when you are not.
    Your post reminded me of one of my favorite passages. I Cor 4, especially verses 8-10, we are pressed but not crushed, we are perplexed but not in despair, we are knocked down but not destroyed…
    So thankful that His hope is yours and that it is carrying you still. Love you!

    1 Shilo said this (November 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm) Reply

    • Thank you for those verses, and for your love and prayers. Wish I could see you. Love ya!

      2 Tabitha Joy said this (November 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm) Reply

  • Praise the Lord!!! What an answer to our prayers 🙂 HE will get you through this move — I’m so thankful you’ll be with your hubby sooner than later.

    3 Terry said this (November 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm) Reply

  • Thanks! I am so thankful for God’s undertaking for our family. Awesome to see His hand.

    4 Tabitha Joy said this (November 17, 2011 at 1:09 pm) Reply

  • Wish we were in WI to receive you and help ease the pain of your move. I am rejoicing and mourning with you, my friend!

    5 Joy said this (November 17, 2011 at 7:26 pm) Reply

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