I will not be Disgraced…

Isaiah 50:7a says, “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced….”

Recently I have felt disgrace at every turn. Moving has certainly brought about many opportunities to be looked upon in disgrace. Each time I fill out an application to rent a place, I am asked awkward questions that inevitably leave me wondering how much of our family’s history I am required to disclose. I am not into keeping secrets, or doing damage control. But I find myself in a completely new environment, where people don’t know our family, don’t know my husband, or anything about our journey.  And here I am wanting to rent a home and being looked on as suspect.  I want to defend myself, my husband, and my kids or to avoid saying anything about my husband at all.  But how do I answer the simplest questions, “What brings you to Wisconsin?” “How many people will be living in the house?” “Does your husband have a job?”

This morning I went to set up a new checking account and, of course had to answer all kinds of questions. I wanted Joel to be on the account, so included his information on the application. As the banker helped me complete the process, he suddenly commented, “Oh, now I see the reason for your move to WI!” You do? My mind screamed, wondering what his computer had just turned up. Then he added, “Your husband has lived here before.” To which I answered as calmly as possible, “Oh, yes, we did live here for a while when we were first married.”  Why does it matter? Again I feel frustration. I’m not trying to hide anything.  But I know the limitations and concerns that immediately arise, once my husband’s history is revealed.

Today as I read this verse, I remembered that before God I will not be disgraced, because HE HELPS ME. I may suffer disgrace repeatedly in this life. But every time I experience disgrace in the society I live in, I also experience the GRACE of the God I belong to.

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