I don’t deserve this!

Today I was convicted by the truth that pride is what drives discontentment. I have been researching with my dad what would be the best thing to do about our house here in FL as I move to Wisconsin this summer. Unfortunately there are many complications that make ideal solutions slip out of reach. Yesterday, I found myself angry, not really sure who I was angry with, but feeling ripped off. The financial options we had been pursuing were nothing but abrupt dead-ends, the kind of dead-end that doesn’t fluctuate into new pathways with a bit of reasoning. And I felt like I deserved better. After all I have been a financially responsible homeowner for these past four years in spite of some serious hardship.

Then God reminded me of the parable Jesus told of the workers in the vineyard of the wealthy landowner. Some worked all day for an agreed-upon wage, and some worked only a couple hours late in the day. At the end of the day, each man received the same pay. The ones who had worked for the whole day were upset with their wage, even though it was exactly what they had agreed to? Why? Because compared to the latecomers, they got ripped off. The Bible tells us, “They that compare themselves among themselves are not wise.” But we do it anyways. I am the one in the parable who has worked all day, but when I see other people getting away with less work and still making out with a full day’s wage I start feeling ripped off. I’m surely entitled to more. Why do they get all the breaks? I don’t deserve this!

Now what in the world makes me think I deserve more? What give me such an entitlement mentality? Why do I not feel contentment with what I do have? PRIDE. I think I am better than others, and therefore I deserve at least as much consideration as they receive. Ouch! The wretched nature of my own self-centered heart is painful to acknowledge. Pride drives discontentment, but humility is the first step to contentment. I have to choose to deny the idea that I deserve better. It is the lie of sin within me. The truth is, I don’t deserve this. I deserve so much worse. I deserve hell. I deserve an eternity separated from the God I was created to pursue. But amazingly, I have this promise from my Heavenly Father:  “I will never fail you, I will never abandon you.” I don’t deserve this…

One Response to "I don’t deserve this!"

  • Just know that you are never alone in your struggles with all the “confusions of life” that come our way. I also wonder why, or if, I’m such a slow learner that I often seem to repeat the situations I thought I’d already learned. I used to have a lot of “spiritual” answers (knowledge), thought I had grasped a bit of His understanding…only to find out that over the years I understand His Ways less and less. Is He still faithful, true, kind, loving etc..worth loving and trusting? Yes, of course, but I don’t think we were probably ever called to figure out His Ways for us. The hardest work we must do is REST. Praying for you kids..Love, Linda M.

    1 Linda Myers said this (March 31, 2012 at 3:01 pm) Reply

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