Are You Afraid?

This question asked with genuine concern, caught me so off guard that in an instant I found my throat closing, and my eyes watering. I stared into her kind face, and refused myself the luxury of tears. With practiced restraint I forced back the tears, and answered honestly, “All the time, every day.” There–it was out. The truth. I wasn’t even sure what had prompted my friend to ask the question. Did I look scared? Sound scared? No. I can manage the fear. I guess maybe she asked because she knows if she were in my shoes she would be scared. I mean who wouldn’t be. After all, fear often accompanies a lack of control. Fear often resides where one has a lot to lose and knows it. On both counts, that describes my life perfectly.

Daily I am aware of the things I cannot control. I am aware of the vulnerable state our family is in. I am aware of Joel’s strict stipulations and restrictions. I am aware of how society looks on him, and even our whole family.  I am aware of the statistics that say 89% of federal inmates will re-offend. I am aware of the great challenges we face. And I am painfully aware of how little control I have.

But while I find myself facing fear in every moment of every day, I also find that I don’t face it alone. My friend’s question gave me the chance to honestly evaluate the fear I face. This is what I told her, “While my fear is real, and I can’t pretend it away, I can say that my fear throws me at the feet of Jesus keeping me totally dependent on Him. Because the only antidote to my fear is knowing Him. So while I live with fear, I also live with the greater assurance that while I have little to no control, God is ultimately sovereign. He has so often proved his goodness in the worst circumstances. He has and He will walk through everything I face with me. My fear drives me to the bedrock of God’s faithfulness, and leaves me living constantly in dependence on Him.


3 Responses to "Are You Afraid?"

  • Your response is so like that of the Psalmist – “What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.”
    Love you.

    1 Shilo said this (December 6, 2012 at 11:24 am) Reply

  • You have such a wonderful gift with words and writing from your heart. I have really enjoyed reading ‘Joy in the Morning’.
    Your ‘area’ of fear might be different than mine but I too face fear of what will happen if… Your blog today was such a great reminder of where we go when we are afraid and of His faithfulness. Very timely… thank you.

    2 Martha Enns said this (December 7, 2012 at 1:24 am) Reply

  • Beautiful. The Truth will set you free and you continue to allow Him to do this by your tenacity for the Truth. Both in the truth about life and in your clinging to the person of Truth. You are such an inspiration to me!

    3 Joy said this (January 8, 2013 at 7:57 am) Reply

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